Someone suggested I do a blog entry about guys on dating sites with bicep flexing, mirror-snapped selfies. That's not what this update is about tonight. Ok,, that's not what it's ALL about. That suggestion was over a month ago. I took a hiatus. Or rather, life got really busy, somewhat complicated, and here it is, almost May. A lot of changes have taken place since I lost wrote....er blogged. Fasten your laptops. Let's catch up.
Working at home has proven to be interesting. Working from home while still working part time as a makeup artist/product consultant where we lose 1/3 of the staff a month after I start my second job has proven to be challenging. If you told me a year ago if I would be working 1.5 jobs and not sure where I'll end up, well, I would have thought you were crazy. But here I am. It's been six months since I left the corporate world. Sometimes I miss the inner-workings of an office-who doesn't love a good gossip session over coffee while checking out the cute lawyers from the upstairs offices? But, I don't miss the rest. I miss my friends. So maybe I like the corporate world for the same reason I liked school: for the social life. Or maybe I just had enough and decided that if I'm going to work for the majority of my life; I should do something that makes me happy and helps others. Corporate life wasn't my passion any longer. Although, I'm grateful for the experience and education I've had and the comfort that I can always return to it if I want to/need to. My dad was always right: you need a backup plan. And no, that backup plan does not involve the new Michael Kors handbag I have my eye on. See dad? I'm learning.
I also didn't get into my first choice nursing program. And I have mixed emotions about it. I knew with only 40 seats my chances were limited; I would go from being certain I didn't get in to feeling confident I did. When I read the rejection letter, after a night at the casino where I won $230 on a slot (I feel that was the universe's way of letting me down gently) I was disappointed but not as much as I thought I would be. I think losing my dad has put disappointment into a different perspective for me. Don't get me wrong; I was and am still disheartened, but I'm just that much more determined. And I wasn't sure if that was the route I was fully committed to. I just have to decide if I want to take a different biology (mine didn't transfer in) and try again in another year or move full steam ahead towards August. This is what keeps me up at night. Thank God the Golden Girls are on at pretty much any given time.
So, there was a reason that someone suggested I blog about the requisite muscle-flex-pic-in-the-mirror-selfie that seems to permeate any and all social media sites. I had been online dating and extolling some of the crazier stories via Facebook-not too detailed of course-just some little gems that were too ridiculous not to share. Since we are on the topic, why, why do guys feel the need to take a reverse pic of themselves in the mirror and post it? Is it to get back at the female generation for all the duck-lip pics? If so, I whole-heartily apologize on behalf of my sex. Please guys, we beg you, stop. I feel like Cher in Clueless when she asked if we were supposed to swoon when guys got out of bed, put on a backwards hat and some baggy pants. The answer is still the same 18 years later. NO. Take a normal pic, stop talking about how you're the nice guy no one bothers to give a chance, and start talking about what makes you different. Not what makes you like every other Steeler loving, beer drinking, outdoors-liking, dog loving, cultured and sophisticated, tortured poet on Stupid Cupid and whatever other site is popular. *steps off soap box* Shout-out to Katie H. for the suggestion-sorry it took me so long! For keen readers, you might have noticed I said I had been online dating. I was. And no longer am :). More on that soon....
I guess in the last few month I've learned that where we have been is definitely not where we will end up. That just because things are tough, or boring, or static (or whatever it is that you're feeling) it won't always be like that. There are silver linings. I read something that I ask myself and it helps me put things in perspective: is this going to matter in six months? And the answer the majority of the time is that no, it certainly won't. It won't even matter in three months. The big stuff will. But lucky for us, most of it is small stuff. Six months from now; I will have figured out school, nursing, and how I'm going to make it happen. I may even find that Michael Kors bag for sale. It's ok to not have all the answers. That's a lesson I'm slowly, but surely, embracing.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Monday, April 29, 2013
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Follow the yellow brick road?
Ooof. That was the sound this morning when I woke up, bleary eyed and rolling over on Eeyore. And then I strangely smelled smoke. Oh yes. Last night comes tumbling back in a tidal wave of smoke and amaretto. Girls night out ended up at one of the few bars left that still permits smoking and when the door opens it immediately penetrates your clothes, hair and basically anything else. Or maybe it seems that much stronger since smoking isn't allowed in most places these days. At any rate, it was definitely reminiscent of three or four years ago when life was seemingly less complicated but also more artificial. Now, I'm lucky if I see my bffs once a month-not every week like before. Going out is more of a time to catch up and fill each other in on happenings that can't be communicated properly over text, facebook chat or hurried phone calls. It's not a staging ground for attracting members of the opposite sex and one upping each other.
It's strange, this whole thirty thing. For some reason, whether it's society portrayals or personal expectations, but I expected to have "things" figured out. What these things are, I'm not sure. I suspect they're different for everyone however I guess assumed I'd be married (that deserves a big LOL), reached some career high and planning the next phase. Instead I'm still experiencing the nerve inducing round of first dates, am starting a new job and about to make some huge changes to my living arrangements (currently living alone in an adorbs apartment). And you know what? That's fine too. The yellow brick road is paved with many twists and turns. (Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies). Dorothy's journey may have been shorter if she had chosen a different path, but it wouldn't have been the same and she might not have met the special friends that crossed her path. Had I chosen one path I would have been married, and most likely divorced now, and possibly stalled in a career that wasn't personally satisfying as it had been once upon a time. So while I still dodge a few flying monkeys, I'm enjoying following my own yellow brick road. And I think I'm getting closer to Emerald City. It might take me awhile but I know I'll figure it out. I might keep waking up with Eeyore for a long time to come and have to put in more hours than I care to admit for school and have more bad dates than good ones but it will make the end result that much sweeter. And if not, I always have had a thing for red shoes. Just three clicks and you can always go home.
It's strange, this whole thirty thing. For some reason, whether it's society portrayals or personal expectations, but I expected to have "things" figured out. What these things are, I'm not sure. I suspect they're different for everyone however I guess assumed I'd be married (that deserves a big LOL), reached some career high and planning the next phase. Instead I'm still experiencing the nerve inducing round of first dates, am starting a new job and about to make some huge changes to my living arrangements (currently living alone in an adorbs apartment). And you know what? That's fine too. The yellow brick road is paved with many twists and turns. (Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies). Dorothy's journey may have been shorter if she had chosen a different path, but it wouldn't have been the same and she might not have met the special friends that crossed her path. Had I chosen one path I would have been married, and most likely divorced now, and possibly stalled in a career that wasn't personally satisfying as it had been once upon a time. So while I still dodge a few flying monkeys, I'm enjoying following my own yellow brick road. And I think I'm getting closer to Emerald City. It might take me awhile but I know I'll figure it out. I might keep waking up with Eeyore for a long time to come and have to put in more hours than I care to admit for school and have more bad dates than good ones but it will make the end result that much sweeter. And if not, I always have had a thing for red shoes. Just three clicks and you can always go home.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
The Pact
Ahh anyone else have a case of the Januaries? So far, Lawyer Chic and I have booked a Vegas trip for April and I have ordered Turbo Fire and finished 4 books on my Kindle. I think I need to stay away from my lap top and put my debit card away. Unfortunately, I have memorized my card numbers anyway, a side effect of all my online shopping over the years. Must figure out a way to remedy that.
Anyway, January seems to bring the past out of the woodwork. It's ironic because it's traditionally a month of new starts and here comes the past, banging down my door (read: cell phone/facebook/email). Here I am, planning a vacation, starting fresh, starting turbo (
Friday, November 16, 2012
Stop Facestalking....And Start Living.
We all know that details about ourselves and virtually anyone we know are only a click away. It is tempting to give into that click. I will admit, I have found myself doing that recently. And while at first I thought it was a big mistake, I think it was a blessing in disguise.
You see, about a year ago, I had stopped seeing someone that I liked (read: was ridiculously crazy about). We met through work, he was recently divorced, I was single, he was cute and flirty and emails soon turned into texts which turned into phone calls and finally going out. Then....the bottom fell out. He wasn't ready blah blah blah so I decided to end things and then a few months later he was ready and well, long story short he really wasn't. It was hard. I hadn't felt that way about someone in a long time. We had so much fun together-we were completely ourselves around each other and it was just magical. Except, it really wasn't because he wasn't ready and it crushed me. Other than that though, it was magical. Ha.
Anyway, things were ok, I moved on, we talked sometimes but that was it. I dated other guys, thought about him sometimes but nothing out of the ordinary. Then my dad died. And he didn't know. He randomly texted and in the course of talking-he asked how my family was etc-it came out. He felt awful. It also came out that he started dating his high school girlfriend. Right. Cliche. Sigh. So nice guy that he is-he would text every now and then to see how I was doing or because something reminded him of me. From a few details I quickly determined his relationship was very serious. And I was happy for him because he did and does deserve it. And I didn't need to know details. Until the other night, that is, when on Facebook I stumbled upon his girlfriend's personal page.
Yeah. And it was inundated with pictures, status updates, check ins, and anything else you can think of chronicling their relationship. Including pictures of flowers he had delivered to her hotel room when she was on a girls' trip without him. I could have done without that. But I know-and knew then-it was my fault for looking. I could have closed the page. But I didn't. And I felt a pang I didn't expect. The memories tumbled back-like the time I had a bad day at work and casually mentioned a glass of Riesling greeting me at home would have been awesome except I was out of wine and the liquor store would be closed. He invited me over for a movie and pizza and greeted me with a glass of wine while opening the door. Just happened to have one of my favorite wines on hand.
I tried to chase those thoughts away and for the most part, I was successful. Then I got mad. And then felt guilty because why should I be mad about this when my dad is gone? That's so frivolous. I was feeling really guilty about the whole thing until I talked to my mom who told me in no uncertain terms that it's definitely ok to be upset about other stuff, and in fact, I should allow myself to be. It's part of the process-to be able to move on and feel other emotions. My dad was the least selfish person I knew and he would be mad if I dwelled too long and closed off other feelings. She is right. However, I also know that certain things-people and emotions and regrets- have their sell by date-and feeling upset about this situation has definitely reached its expiration. And so has Facestalking. I think most of us are guilty of doing it. And while we all enjoy a little voyeuristic look into people's lives, it shouldn't have an effect on us. People can create whatever image they want someone else to see on Facebook or other social networking sites. It doesn't mean that's how their reality is. It's just what they want us to see. And instead of posting so much about our awesome lives, maybe we should just experience it rather than chronicle it for the world to see. Sure, I'll still post updates and pics-I'm not going off the grid-but that will be it. The people I care about and are friends with-I don't need to Facestalk. Sure, I'll probably be curious in the future (by nature I'm a curious George) but I'll try to pause for a minute and remember how I felt that night when I couldn't click the page closed. I might even look a little bit at some one's page that I probably shouldnt; it's very tempting after all. Thanks Mark Zuckerberg. But, I will stop looking at life so much and get on with living it and making every moment count.
You see, about a year ago, I had stopped seeing someone that I liked (read: was ridiculously crazy about). We met through work, he was recently divorced, I was single, he was cute and flirty and emails soon turned into texts which turned into phone calls and finally going out. Then....the bottom fell out. He wasn't ready blah blah blah so I decided to end things and then a few months later he was ready and well, long story short he really wasn't. It was hard. I hadn't felt that way about someone in a long time. We had so much fun together-we were completely ourselves around each other and it was just magical. Except, it really wasn't because he wasn't ready and it crushed me. Other than that though, it was magical. Ha.
Anyway, things were ok, I moved on, we talked sometimes but that was it. I dated other guys, thought about him sometimes but nothing out of the ordinary. Then my dad died. And he didn't know. He randomly texted and in the course of talking-he asked how my family was etc-it came out. He felt awful. It also came out that he started dating his high school girlfriend. Right. Cliche. Sigh. So nice guy that he is-he would text every now and then to see how I was doing or because something reminded him of me. From a few details I quickly determined his relationship was very serious. And I was happy for him because he did and does deserve it. And I didn't need to know details. Until the other night, that is, when on Facebook I stumbled upon his girlfriend's personal page.
Yeah. And it was inundated with pictures, status updates, check ins, and anything else you can think of chronicling their relationship. Including pictures of flowers he had delivered to her hotel room when she was on a girls' trip without him. I could have done without that. But I know-and knew then-it was my fault for looking. I could have closed the page. But I didn't. And I felt a pang I didn't expect. The memories tumbled back-like the time I had a bad day at work and casually mentioned a glass of Riesling greeting me at home would have been awesome except I was out of wine and the liquor store would be closed. He invited me over for a movie and pizza and greeted me with a glass of wine while opening the door. Just happened to have one of my favorite wines on hand.
I tried to chase those thoughts away and for the most part, I was successful. Then I got mad. And then felt guilty because why should I be mad about this when my dad is gone? That's so frivolous. I was feeling really guilty about the whole thing until I talked to my mom who told me in no uncertain terms that it's definitely ok to be upset about other stuff, and in fact, I should allow myself to be. It's part of the process-to be able to move on and feel other emotions. My dad was the least selfish person I knew and he would be mad if I dwelled too long and closed off other feelings. She is right. However, I also know that certain things-people and emotions and regrets- have their sell by date-and feeling upset about this situation has definitely reached its expiration. And so has Facestalking. I think most of us are guilty of doing it. And while we all enjoy a little voyeuristic look into people's lives, it shouldn't have an effect on us. People can create whatever image they want someone else to see on Facebook or other social networking sites. It doesn't mean that's how their reality is. It's just what they want us to see. And instead of posting so much about our awesome lives, maybe we should just experience it rather than chronicle it for the world to see. Sure, I'll still post updates and pics-I'm not going off the grid-but that will be it. The people I care about and are friends with-I don't need to Facestalk. Sure, I'll probably be curious in the future (by nature I'm a curious George) but I'll try to pause for a minute and remember how I felt that night when I couldn't click the page closed. I might even look a little bit at some one's page that I probably shouldnt; it's very tempting after all. Thanks Mark Zuckerberg. But, I will stop looking at life so much and get on with living it and making every moment count.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Over analyzer no more!
So here's the scoop: I've been casually seeing/hanging out with someone for a few months. Nice guy. Fun. Laugh a lot together. Great chemistry. Good conversation. And neither of us want more. We also don't talk about it-at all. Until Saturday night that is when he mentioned something about another friend who maybe needed to try casually dating instead of trying to turn everything into a relationship.
"Ya know...casual. Like this."
Casual. I don't consider myself casual about well, mostly anything. I'm not casual with my friendships (except I guess in this instance?), I'm intense with work and school, I love my family (fiercely-not casually), I'm passionate about politics and I'm somewhat crazy about my dog too (read: totally crazy about my dog) and I can fall in like with someone relatively fast. That is, until recently.
I tried dating after my dad passed away and I wasn't ready-I had left my job that I was at for three years and was starting a new job a month after my dad suddenly died. I was enrolling in school again to finish my MBA. So many changes, dating was just not working. I had dates. Including a couple with a guy who wanted to jump from dating to being my boyfriend immediately. Yeah, I don't think so. I put dating on hold. Then I met C. We hit it off, had a couple great dates and then he got busy, I got busy and that was that. Or so I thought. We hadn't gone out in about a month when I heard from him again. And since then, I see him maybe every other week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Casually. When we're both free. And for whatever reason it works. I don't feel any pressure for/to do anything. We can be ourselves, have really weird but good conversations that I don't feel the need to over analyze and there's no pressure to be anyone or anything but me. Which is weird (for me) because I tend to put pressure on myself for everything and I am one awesome over analyzer. Or I used to be. Before. But since my dad passed away, so many little things happened to disappear and I literally stopped sweating the small stuff.
Like a lot of my friends, when I first started dating someone, I'd get excited to hear from them, read their texts etc (yes, my guy friends do this too-we are more similar to them than we realize). Then if I didn't hear from them or something seemed off I'd worry and waste time thinking about someone who clearly wasn't thinking about me. But now I don't worry. When I didn't hear from C for awhile, I didn't think about it. For whatever reason he wasn't contacting, it wasn't about me. I have lived through my worst nightmare and came out stronger. I have stopped trying to plan my life and relationships in advance. I'm living in the moment. It's why I'm going to nursing school: life is short-do what you love. And since I've stopped micromanaging myself I'm happier, healthier and more laid back. I guess I'm more...casual. I'm a firm believer that people, good and bad, are in our lives for a reason. I don't think C and I will get married or even see each other much longer. But I've learned to relax, sit back and take life as it comes. And that I can wear my glasses and still be cute (that has to count for something right?).
A hurricane's a coming. I'm going to grab the Shi-Poo, pour a glass of wine and light some candles. ya know-casual preparations.
"Ya know...casual. Like this."
Casual. I don't consider myself casual about well, mostly anything. I'm not casual with my friendships (except I guess in this instance?), I'm intense with work and school, I love my family (fiercely-not casually), I'm passionate about politics and I'm somewhat crazy about my dog too (read: totally crazy about my dog) and I can fall in like with someone relatively fast. That is, until recently.
I tried dating after my dad passed away and I wasn't ready-I had left my job that I was at for three years and was starting a new job a month after my dad suddenly died. I was enrolling in school again to finish my MBA. So many changes, dating was just not working. I had dates. Including a couple with a guy who wanted to jump from dating to being my boyfriend immediately. Yeah, I don't think so. I put dating on hold. Then I met C. We hit it off, had a couple great dates and then he got busy, I got busy and that was that. Or so I thought. We hadn't gone out in about a month when I heard from him again. And since then, I see him maybe every other week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Casually. When we're both free. And for whatever reason it works. I don't feel any pressure for/to do anything. We can be ourselves, have really weird but good conversations that I don't feel the need to over analyze and there's no pressure to be anyone or anything but me. Which is weird (for me) because I tend to put pressure on myself for everything and I am one awesome over analyzer. Or I used to be. Before. But since my dad passed away, so many little things happened to disappear and I literally stopped sweating the small stuff.
Like a lot of my friends, when I first started dating someone, I'd get excited to hear from them, read their texts etc (yes, my guy friends do this too-we are more similar to them than we realize). Then if I didn't hear from them or something seemed off I'd worry and waste time thinking about someone who clearly wasn't thinking about me. But now I don't worry. When I didn't hear from C for awhile, I didn't think about it. For whatever reason he wasn't contacting, it wasn't about me. I have lived through my worst nightmare and came out stronger. I have stopped trying to plan my life and relationships in advance. I'm living in the moment. It's why I'm going to nursing school: life is short-do what you love. And since I've stopped micromanaging myself I'm happier, healthier and more laid back. I guess I'm more...casual. I'm a firm believer that people, good and bad, are in our lives for a reason. I don't think C and I will get married or even see each other much longer. But I've learned to relax, sit back and take life as it comes. And that I can wear my glasses and still be cute (that has to count for something right?).
A hurricane's a coming. I'm going to grab the Shi-Poo, pour a glass of wine and light some candles. ya know-casual preparations.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Plenty of fish?
Match.com. Eharmony. Chemistry.com. Zoosk. Plentyoffish. OkCupid. I could go on. Those are just some of the most popular online dating sites today. And I have come to a conclusion. If these sites worked for most people and dating was easy, online dating wouldn't be the billion dollar industry it has become. There wouldn't be a need for it. Much like the diet industry, there's a reason it's also a billion dollar venture. People try and fail. Or in the case of dating, try and maybe meet someone and break up and try again. Sure, there are married couples and people happily paired up. Some of my friends met their spouses online. But that's not the majority. If only one in five relationships start online, where do the other 80% start? Then there are the ones that fall in the one in five category. The "dating is just not working for me but I'm not totally ready to give up because mr/ms right could be the next click away" category. Eternal optimists and romantic comedies fuel the online dating economy. And then there's dating in general. Which at age 30 is a double-edged sword.
You're smarter about who you want and what's important to you but also realizing that the people that fit that category might be few and far between. Or are already married. Or gay. Or both. Or the famous "just not that into you". Which, by the way, has given people the power to use that excuse more than ever before. That book perpetuated stereotypes-and unfortunately gave people (read: wimps not strong enough to admit the truth) a line to tell someone and let themselves off the hook and not having to feel that guilt you feel when you hurt someone who cares about you. It's not MY fault I'm not into you. It just took 3 months to realize. Ladies (and men) please. You know almost rapid-fire fast if you're into someone. With the Internet today, you find out more about someone before you meet them than you used to find out in the first three dates. I'm not saying that's a good thing; I'm just saying that's reality. And maybe that's the problem. There isn't much of a mystery to dating these days. It's all a google/linkedin/facebook click away. With online dating, you should proceed with caution but that applies to dating in general. You don't really know who the other person is unless it was a carefully vetted set up by mutual friends. But still. The mystery is gone. Manners are sometimes gone under the guise of "I'm blunt, deal with it". People say "oh I'm just being me" or "This is who I am like it or not" but not a lot of people are going to like profanity-laced phone calls and constant stories about themselves and tales of the "good ol' days" of getting into fights. That may or may not have been someone that I talked to. (OK. It was).
The point is, dating is no easier now than five years ago. There are many theories why and depending who you talk to-ahem my guy best friend- some people feel that it's because women have more "power" now, more earning potential and more influence. Roles are reversed. I don't entirely agree because most women still want that courtship, still want to feel like a lady (OK princess), still want to be appreciated and treated well. We just want respect for what we have accomplished. Not insecurity. Not judgement. Not "well you make more than me so you should pay more than I do". That also may or may not have happened to me. But, with so many other "options" a click away, people get scared to settle. And not just men. I see women do that too. But oftentimes, someone better isn't just a click away. Everyone brings something to the table, both good and bad. We all have the "stuff" that makes us us. We have the good, the bad and the ugly. It's being able to stick with someone for more than a passing fancy and take a chance on someone and not bailing and thinking "i might be able to search for a guy/girl that won't do that" when things aren't fun and hot and heavy 24/7. Yes, you may be able to search for someone else who doesn't do whatever "it" is, but I can guarantee you that other person will do something else that irks you regardless. While a lot of things are ordered on-demand in our society, a date, partner, or spouse should not be. You may have met online and known more about each other up front than had you met otherwise, but that does not mean you need to speed-date through the relationship. Take a chance. Get to know someone. Put the mouse down. Hide your profile awhile. You just might surprise yourself and realize that someone better is the someone you have already met
You're smarter about who you want and what's important to you but also realizing that the people that fit that category might be few and far between. Or are already married. Or gay. Or both. Or the famous "just not that into you". Which, by the way, has given people the power to use that excuse more than ever before. That book perpetuated stereotypes-and unfortunately gave people (read: wimps not strong enough to admit the truth) a line to tell someone and let themselves off the hook and not having to feel that guilt you feel when you hurt someone who cares about you. It's not MY fault I'm not into you. It just took 3 months to realize. Ladies (and men) please. You know almost rapid-fire fast if you're into someone. With the Internet today, you find out more about someone before you meet them than you used to find out in the first three dates. I'm not saying that's a good thing; I'm just saying that's reality. And maybe that's the problem. There isn't much of a mystery to dating these days. It's all a google/linkedin/facebook click away. With online dating, you should proceed with caution but that applies to dating in general. You don't really know who the other person is unless it was a carefully vetted set up by mutual friends. But still. The mystery is gone. Manners are sometimes gone under the guise of "I'm blunt, deal with it". People say "oh I'm just being me" or "This is who I am like it or not" but not a lot of people are going to like profanity-laced phone calls and constant stories about themselves and tales of the "good ol' days" of getting into fights. That may or may not have been someone that I talked to. (OK. It was).
The point is, dating is no easier now than five years ago. There are many theories why and depending who you talk to-ahem my guy best friend- some people feel that it's because women have more "power" now, more earning potential and more influence. Roles are reversed. I don't entirely agree because most women still want that courtship, still want to feel like a lady (OK princess), still want to be appreciated and treated well. We just want respect for what we have accomplished. Not insecurity. Not judgement. Not "well you make more than me so you should pay more than I do". That also may or may not have happened to me. But, with so many other "options" a click away, people get scared to settle. And not just men. I see women do that too. But oftentimes, someone better isn't just a click away. Everyone brings something to the table, both good and bad. We all have the "stuff" that makes us us. We have the good, the bad and the ugly. It's being able to stick with someone for more than a passing fancy and take a chance on someone and not bailing and thinking "i might be able to search for a guy/girl that won't do that" when things aren't fun and hot and heavy 24/7. Yes, you may be able to search for someone else who doesn't do whatever "it" is, but I can guarantee you that other person will do something else that irks you regardless. While a lot of things are ordered on-demand in our society, a date, partner, or spouse should not be. You may have met online and known more about each other up front than had you met otherwise, but that does not mean you need to speed-date through the relationship. Take a chance. Get to know someone. Put the mouse down. Hide your profile awhile. You just might surprise yourself and realize that someone better is the someone you have already met
Monday, October 8, 2012
Painting the town red?
I've often described Pittsburgh as America's "biggest small town". I usually refer to the unique neighborhoods and how there's a small town friendly atmosphere and how often you'll run into someone you know. It's also true when traveling. No matter where I have been-including a very small bar in Canada on an obscure Sunday-I have met someone from Pittsburgh. Myrtle Beach is practically Pittsburgh 2.0 with the amount of transplants and Steeler bars located on the Grand Strand. However, I conveniently forgot this charming little nuance about the 'Burgh on Saturday night when I strolled to the champagne bar with my GB (Guy Bestie).
I had a drink at Perle last weekend with my sorority sisters during our reunion but we weren't there for that long. This Saturday, I managed to run into three people I know in the first hour there, two of whom are guys I have dated or "talked" to. (Talking to: euphemism for how we describe the pre dating ritual of texting, talking, communicating, flirting and casual hangouts). Now, as America's biggest small town, the minute anything new happens/opens, it is immediately crowned the new hot spot, extremely crowded and heady with the promise of drama waiting to happen. Not to say we didn't have a good time, because we actually had a great time. However, here are the top 3 uncomfortable moments of the night:
3. Much older men trying to position themselves around the largest group of girls and strategically attempt to pick spots where few guys occupied. All the while drinking non-alcoholic beer (in a champagne bar), ogling me while sitting with my GB and fixing their hair pieces.
2 Eastern European girl practically giving GB lap dance-yes, this happened and yes, you had to be there. I'm telling you, everyone and their mother (literally) were teetering on their stilettos at Perle that night. I did encourage GB to talk to her, I mean if someone is practically dancing on you isn't that what you do? As a gentleman he did not. However, if he complains about being single next week I will remind him of this. haha.
1. Running into A (hot guy I went out with last year) and having him ask how long I've been dating GB. Um, we're not. Oh. Well is he gay? No. Is he straight? Yes. Is he single? Yes. Sarah, why aren't you dating him? Um. I haven't seen you in a year A and you're with Stifler's Mom's twin (how she looked in Legally Blonde though) and you're asking why i'm not dating my gb? Normal. I complimented Stifler's mom's bag and politely hugged goodbye. (note: stifler's mom was a friend in from Florida. Still).
Not on the list but should be noted: the groups of guys who hit the regular Pittsburgh "scene" walking around with Jersey shore hairstyles. Guys-that only worked in Jersey. And not really even then.
I predict this will be the hot spot of the year and the place where everyone is heading but remember this: if there's someone you don't want to run into, proceed with caution. This is Pittsburgh. They will be there. And because it's Pittsburgh they will be friendly and come over and talk to you. And because it's Pittsburgh the place is small enough that you will be able to see them from every angle and they will catch you watching them. That might have happened to me. Don't let it happen to you.
I had a drink at Perle last weekend with my sorority sisters during our reunion but we weren't there for that long. This Saturday, I managed to run into three people I know in the first hour there, two of whom are guys I have dated or "talked" to. (Talking to: euphemism for how we describe the pre dating ritual of texting, talking, communicating, flirting and casual hangouts). Now, as America's biggest small town, the minute anything new happens/opens, it is immediately crowned the new hot spot, extremely crowded and heady with the promise of drama waiting to happen. Not to say we didn't have a good time, because we actually had a great time. However, here are the top 3 uncomfortable moments of the night:
3. Much older men trying to position themselves around the largest group of girls and strategically attempt to pick spots where few guys occupied. All the while drinking non-alcoholic beer (in a champagne bar), ogling me while sitting with my GB and fixing their hair pieces.
2 Eastern European girl practically giving GB lap dance-yes, this happened and yes, you had to be there. I'm telling you, everyone and their mother (literally) were teetering on their stilettos at Perle that night. I did encourage GB to talk to her, I mean if someone is practically dancing on you isn't that what you do? As a gentleman he did not. However, if he complains about being single next week I will remind him of this. haha.
1. Running into A (hot guy I went out with last year) and having him ask how long I've been dating GB. Um, we're not. Oh. Well is he gay? No. Is he straight? Yes. Is he single? Yes. Sarah, why aren't you dating him? Um. I haven't seen you in a year A and you're with Stifler's Mom's twin (how she looked in Legally Blonde though) and you're asking why i'm not dating my gb? Normal. I complimented Stifler's mom's bag and politely hugged goodbye. (note: stifler's mom was a friend in from Florida. Still).
Not on the list but should be noted: the groups of guys who hit the regular Pittsburgh "scene" walking around with Jersey shore hairstyles. Guys-that only worked in Jersey. And not really even then.
I predict this will be the hot spot of the year and the place where everyone is heading but remember this: if there's someone you don't want to run into, proceed with caution. This is Pittsburgh. They will be there. And because it's Pittsburgh they will be friendly and come over and talk to you. And because it's Pittsburgh the place is small enough that you will be able to see them from every angle and they will catch you watching them. That might have happened to me. Don't let it happen to you.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Top 10 Most Ridiculous Lines From Men (That I've Heard)
Dating, relating and mating is really not that much easier in your 30s than your 20s-so it seems. Granted, the short 3 months I've been 30 may not be a great barometer for that statement, but it certainly hasn't changed much. For me, my perspective on a lot of things has changed this summer with certain events. I've gained much perspective in regards to dating-natch-and lost a lot of hang-ups. Still, it doesn't make it less frustrating and maybe even more so because my bullshit tolerance level is much lower now (sorry guys). I have a fabulous, smart, fun-loving gorgeous friend-let's call her Lawyer Chic (she's very chic too). She's experiencing some of the typical uncertainties that develop when newly dating someone. In honor of her and all us women trying to navigate this bizarre territory, I present the TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS LINES FROM MEN. To the people (woman and yes, even men) who have successfully navigated the terrain-you inspire us.
10. My watch was stolen babe. I swear. Some guy beat me up for it. (Really, was there a rumble too Ponyboy? The watch was pawned).
9. If you make more money than me, you should pay for more on our dates.
8. I wanted to divorce my wife, but I can't believe she actually left when I told her that.
7. My ex-girlfriend is mad that we're dating; she keeps giving me a hard time that I didn't send her a card for Valentine's day.
6. What do you mean I can't at least sleep on your couch? You were flirting with me after all!
5. Oh, when you didn't text me right after our date I thought that meant you didn't like me. That's why I waited for three weeks to text you and ask you out again. What do you mean you started seeing someone else? It's only been three weeks!
4. I like you a lot too soon. That's why I can't go out with you right now.
3. My friend just texted she had her baby. Oh yeah, guess I should have told you. There's a possibility it's mine. Sorry. It's just too much to handle dating now. (it wasn't his)
2. I'm letting my ex gf live move in with me until she finds a place of her own. She was surprised this meant I didn't want to start things up again.
1. My buddy's wife just finalized their divorce, can you find a friend and bring her to dinner tonight? Maybe we can cheer him up-he wants to get a drink. I know I haven't seen you in years, but he's kind of down. (rescheduled-told him to just meet his friend).
*disclaimer: not all of these happened to me. most of them did however.
Your turn to add to the list!
10. My watch was stolen babe. I swear. Some guy beat me up for it. (Really, was there a rumble too Ponyboy? The watch was pawned).
9. If you make more money than me, you should pay for more on our dates.
8. I wanted to divorce my wife, but I can't believe she actually left when I told her that.
7. My ex-girlfriend is mad that we're dating; she keeps giving me a hard time that I didn't send her a card for Valentine's day.
6. What do you mean I can't at least sleep on your couch? You were flirting with me after all!
5. Oh, when you didn't text me right after our date I thought that meant you didn't like me. That's why I waited for three weeks to text you and ask you out again. What do you mean you started seeing someone else? It's only been three weeks!
4. I like you a lot too soon. That's why I can't go out with you right now.
3. My friend just texted she had her baby. Oh yeah, guess I should have told you. There's a possibility it's mine. Sorry. It's just too much to handle dating now. (it wasn't his)
2. I'm letting my ex gf live move in with me until she finds a place of her own. She was surprised this meant I didn't want to start things up again.
1. My buddy's wife just finalized their divorce, can you find a friend and bring her to dinner tonight? Maybe we can cheer him up-he wants to get a drink. I know I haven't seen you in years, but he's kind of down. (rescheduled-told him to just meet his friend).
*disclaimer: not all of these happened to me. most of them did however.
Your turn to add to the list!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Crossing the line?
Looking back at my 30th birthday, I find it humorous how far off the mark I was when I daydreamed about my 30s as a young, naive 20 year old. The dashing husband was not waking me up with steamy, hot coffee. Or sex. (sorry mom). I rolled over and onto Eeyore. Yes, sometimes Eeyore sleeps in my bed. I realize that may be part of why the dashing husband isn't waking me up in the morning but that's another blog for another day. It was casual Friday so I put on cute cropped jeans, a black lightweight summer top and mused if I could get away with flip-flops. I mentally ran through who could be in my office that day, decided to take the risk and stash a pair of heels in my bag-just in case. Arriving at the office, I was nearly solo, so I could get away with flip-flops, which let's face it, are way more comfortable and desirable. Another lie from college. We would not be dressing in fabulous, smart outfits constantly. Although, this lie was perpetuated by popular movies in the early 2000s. Yes, many opportunities to dress fun and fabulous at work but I never expected to try to "get away" with wearing flip flops. Or that the first thing I like to do when I pull into my parking spot, dash up the stairs to my apartment and throw my overstuffed bag on the floor is to find my pjs and immediately discard my work attire. I wondered if this was normal, then after realizing how many stores sell "lounging" clothes to women my age I realize it is another phenomena that is not discussed but regularly practiced. Although, I did realize the ridiculousness in that certain managers looked as if they were slightly um unkempt (read: fraying pants, shoes falling apart) and that I could be reprimanded for not wearing my work emblem polo on a jeans Friday, but who was I to say anything? I kept the flip-flops on and began my day.
While mentally stapling things to someone's head that I was mmhhmmming (aka actively listening to) on my attractive (read: airline pilot) headset, my mind wondered to the deep dark recesses I had been able to avoid for awhile. Dating. Not a surprise since the dashing husband didn't wake me up that morning, however, I had come to some harsh realizations. I was and am happy to not be married at this point. Dating, while something we all complain about, can be ridiculously fun and heartbreaking at times. Running a mental calendar in my mind of the men I dated from 29-30 I realized I had grown as a person, if not a woman. I knew sooner than ever before if I wanted to see someone again; my bs radar was near perfect and I knew what my absolute non-negotiables were (thanks Patti Stanger). I had dodged some major psychos I mean bullets.
But something I never foresaw was that the heartache of relationships would carry over into the doldrums at work. In college, heartbreak could be easily fixed with a 90210 marathon, Late Night and 10 of your floormates promising to bash his head in while simultaneously scrolling through their AIM buddy list to see who was single and fun and a potential new date for you. Not so in the real world. Although you still receive plenty of sympathy, everyone has a job to finish. Skipping work would render you with more guilt induced anxiety than any midterm and some of your friends are now married and forget how to relate (the ones who remember us single ladies thank you and the ones that don't we still love you). Depending on your office environment, if a manger found out one of two things could happen: your male boss would try to avoid any discussion and anything that could upset you or your female boss (similar to mine) would try to share stories with you, tell you your fabulous, and then talk about her sex life in college and you'll wonder wait a minute, I thought we were talking about me? And ew. Please don't say those things ever again. What we really want is to be left alone, allow us to trudge to Starbucks to be comforted by the scent of mocha and our work girlfriend's sympathy and to go home and order takeout and turn our phones off so we don't have to keep checking for the apology text that may never ding in our inboxes. So bosses of the world please heed my advice: save the stories, especially if they involve anything that makes us think of your sex life, don't send us emails with smileys in them and please let us do the jobs you hired us to do without interjecting that we will get back to normal soon. Or, we will be forced to get our staplers out.
While mentally stapling things to someone's head that I was mmhhmmming (aka actively listening to) on my attractive (read: airline pilot) headset, my mind wondered to the deep dark recesses I had been able to avoid for awhile. Dating. Not a surprise since the dashing husband didn't wake me up that morning, however, I had come to some harsh realizations. I was and am happy to not be married at this point. Dating, while something we all complain about, can be ridiculously fun and heartbreaking at times. Running a mental calendar in my mind of the men I dated from 29-30 I realized I had grown as a person, if not a woman. I knew sooner than ever before if I wanted to see someone again; my bs radar was near perfect and I knew what my absolute non-negotiables were (thanks Patti Stanger). I had dodged some major psychos I mean bullets.
But something I never foresaw was that the heartache of relationships would carry over into the doldrums at work. In college, heartbreak could be easily fixed with a 90210 marathon, Late Night and 10 of your floormates promising to bash his head in while simultaneously scrolling through their AIM buddy list to see who was single and fun and a potential new date for you. Not so in the real world. Although you still receive plenty of sympathy, everyone has a job to finish. Skipping work would render you with more guilt induced anxiety than any midterm and some of your friends are now married and forget how to relate (the ones who remember us single ladies thank you and the ones that don't we still love you). Depending on your office environment, if a manger found out one of two things could happen: your male boss would try to avoid any discussion and anything that could upset you or your female boss (similar to mine) would try to share stories with you, tell you your fabulous, and then talk about her sex life in college and you'll wonder wait a minute, I thought we were talking about me? And ew. Please don't say those things ever again. What we really want is to be left alone, allow us to trudge to Starbucks to be comforted by the scent of mocha and our work girlfriend's sympathy and to go home and order takeout and turn our phones off so we don't have to keep checking for the apology text that may never ding in our inboxes. So bosses of the world please heed my advice: save the stories, especially if they involve anything that makes us think of your sex life, don't send us emails with smileys in them and please let us do the jobs you hired us to do without interjecting that we will get back to normal soon. Or, we will be forced to get our staplers out.
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