Lawyer Chick was in this past weekend and we were talking about the blog and I realized it had been over 6 months since I've written anything and I'm not sure why. Life did get busier. Last summer seems so long ago in some ways. I'll admit, I had a harder time than I expected during the summer with my dad. Grief, like I said before, is a funny thing. Looking back now, I'm that much stronger from the difficult time I went through. For one, Big Tony would not want us to be sad whatsoever and I know he's proud of us, his family, and everything that has happened in the last 18 months.
I've always been a subscriber to the theory that people are in your life for a reason; whether it's permanent or not, there is a a reason and a lesson behind it. Which leads to the other event at the end of the summer-breaking up with the baconator. We were serious fast but not in a rushed way. The feelings were there, the timing was right, the stars had aligned or whatever you believe in. It just wasn't supposed to last longer than it did. But hurting someone you care about is always an emotionally draining experience and heartbreaking. Bottom line: we deserved to be with the right person and staying together and forcing it wasn't going to work. I know a lot of people stay together longer than they should and this is the first time for me that I've recognized it before it got to that point. Did it make it easier? In the short run no; in the long run, yes. My friend said to me before it was officially over "do you remember how hard dating is? Are you sure about this?" Which brings me to now....
Dating. Right. WTF. It is hard; harder than it has to be I think. It seems in our busy, instant access, social media driven world you have to have more than the stars align to make something work. The timing, availability, sun, the moon, twitter feed, kids, religion, dogs etc all have to be in total harmony and let me say that is total bullshit. It should get easier as we get older; not more complicated. I'll even own up and take responsibility for some bad choices in people I've made but really? Do people misrepresent themselves so well in the beginning and expect someone to not notice?
I was burned after the baconator. Badly. He was not who he said he was-not even his full name. He was married recently, kids, and was 5 years older than he said. Luckily, thanks to social media (it has its good points), I was able to deduce what was going on before it was too far gone. My pride was hurt, my heart was hurt and my trust was broken. Which well, if you know me in real life you know trusting too easily and wearing my heart on my sleeve were two of my downfalls. And frankly, I was and still am slightly embarrassed. A new guy I was talking to asked very bluntly why I was so gun shy and why I was so hesitant in going out or felt the need to protect myself. So I told him. Luckily he immediately understood but for me, I'm sort of mortified it happened. And that's putting it mildly.
Needless to say I took some time after that happened. I didn't have the interest, patience, tolerance, desire or enough alcohol to put myself out there again. Kidding about the last part. Well, sort of. Looking back, it was probably a good thing my first date after that was as bad as it was. Comic relief.
And I guess this is where Sarah Sunshine comes into play. Deep down I feel it can only get better from here. I'm content with myself, career (mostly) and have developed a stronger faith than I expected through losing my dad. It still doesn't stop 47 year old psychics emailing me to meet up, or guys I dated two years ago to try to come back in the fold (it didn't work then, it's not changed, it's not going to work now), but hope is the best strategy.
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