Are we really debating over bathrooms?

Have we really lost sight of what's important? Millions of Americans are hungry, the Middle East is sight of some of the worst genocide on record, and America is concerned about Becky With The Good Hair and outlawing transgenders from using the gender restroom with which they identify.

Really? Is this real life? Allow me to break it down quickly: 

• Restrooms are rarely the sight of targeted attacks on children or anyone else for that matter, long before this became a transgendered issue there wasn't a clamor to police public restrooms
• The hot debate seems to be over who's using the women's bathroom: newsflash. Their isn't a urinal and unless you are standing on the toilet (ew) and peeking over or crawling under the door you will never know what the other person is packing under their clothes. Nor should you. MYOB.
• Parents and guardians have long since accompanied children to the restroom. As they should. Not just because a transgender person might *gasp* pee next to them in a locked stall but because it's common sense in public to accompany your children to most places. 
• You have most likely shared the same public restroom with a transgendered person.  Alive? Yeah i thought so. 
• Let me get this straight. Mr. Jones is concerned a biological male, who now lives as a female, will attack their children or wives  by breaking into a locked stall (women's bathrooms all locked stalls remember) because..why? You were never concerned a woman would attack them? Or considered that they weren't vulnerable before? 
• Is Mr. Jones forgetting the number of pedophiles (male and female) who are not transgendered and sharing the same restroom daily with little Susie and Johnny. 
• A couple generations ago (think about that) we had separate restrooms for different races; we also had separate water fountains, movie theaters, schools....have we learned nothing? 
• Where do we draw the line? How are we going to ask people to "prove" their gender before using a freaking bathroom?

Move on America. Don't go down this road. And please, continue to use the bathroom without fear.

Is This Real Life?

Yes, apparently it is. A person can share a taco bowl, a misguided attempt to honor a holiday that is not an independence celebration and proclaim to love a certain ethnic group that encompasses more than one country and somehow, somehow people are eating it up with chips and salsa.

Don't get me wrong. Not everyone is. At first some thought it was a joke, a meme, a fake profile screen shot.  Alas, 'tis not!  This is real life America. The presumptive Republican nominee shares a picture full of stereotypical platitudes and you have the very people he's insulting proclaiming their undying support and love for him.

We are better than this.  Wake up. America was great, is great and can still be great without walls, barriers, boarders and vitriol.

No worse for the wear.....

Lawyer Chick was in this past weekend and we were talking about the blog and I realized it had been over 6 months since I've written anything and I'm not sure why.  Life did get busier.  Last summer seems so long ago in some ways.  I'll admit, I had a harder time than I expected during the summer with my dad. Grief, like I said before, is a funny thing.  Looking back now, I'm that much stronger from the difficult time I went through. For one, Big Tony would not want us to be sad whatsoever and I know he's proud of us, his family, and everything that has happened in the last 18 months.

I've always been a subscriber to the theory that people are in your life for a reason; whether it's permanent or not, there is a a reason and a lesson behind it. Which leads to the other event at the end of the summer-breaking up with the baconator.  We were serious fast but not in a rushed way. The feelings were there, the timing was right, the stars had aligned or whatever you believe in. It just wasn't supposed to last longer than it did. But hurting someone you care about is always an emotionally draining experience and heartbreaking. Bottom line: we deserved to be with the right person and staying together and forcing it wasn't going to work. I know a lot of people stay together longer than they should and this is the first time for me that I've recognized it before it got to that point. Did it make it easier? In the short run no; in the long run, yes.  My friend said to me before it was officially over "do you remember how hard dating is? Are you sure about this?"  Which brings me to now....

Dating. Right. WTF.  It is hard; harder than it has to be I think. It seems in our busy, instant access, social media driven world you have to have more than the stars align to make something work. The timing, availability, sun, the moon, twitter feed, kids, religion, dogs etc all have to be in total harmony and let me say that is total bullshit. It should get easier as we get older; not more complicated.  I'll even own up and take responsibility for some bad choices in people I've made but really? Do people misrepresent themselves so well in the beginning and expect someone to not notice? 

I was burned after the baconator. Badly. He was not who he said he was-not even his full name. He was married recently, kids, and was 5 years older than he said.  Luckily, thanks to social media (it has its good points), I was able to deduce what was going on before it was too far gone. My pride was hurt, my heart was hurt and my trust was broken. Which well, if you know me in real life you know trusting too easily and wearing my heart on my sleeve were two of my downfalls. And frankly, I was and still am slightly embarrassed. A new guy I was talking to asked very bluntly why I was so gun shy and why I was so hesitant in going out or felt the need to protect myself. So I told him. Luckily he immediately understood but for me, I'm sort of mortified it happened. And that's putting it mildly.

Needless to say I took some time after that happened. I didn't have the interest, patience, tolerance, desire or enough alcohol to put myself out there again. Kidding about the last part. Well, sort of. Looking back, it was probably a good thing my first date after that was as bad as it was. Comic relief. 

And I guess this is where Sarah Sunshine comes into play. Deep down I feel it can only get better from here. I'm content with myself, career (mostly) and have developed a stronger faith than I expected through losing my dad.  It still doesn't stop 47 year old psychics emailing me to meet up, or guys I dated two years ago to try to come back in the fold (it didn't work then, it's not changed, it's not going to work now), but hope is the best strategy.

A funny thing called grief

Grief is a funny thing. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it, grabs a hold of you and shakes you until your world is upside down. The sky feels like it is the ground, the ground feels like the sky and your boyfriend is left wondering why you snapped at him about a cherry Icee (white cherry-what is that?!).

When this happens, it is a force that has to be acknowledged because if it is ignored it will pull you down and take residence in your head and heart. After the anniversary of my father's passing, it hit me harder than prior to the actual anniversary itself. You would think his birthday, father's day or my niece's kindergarten graduation would have hit me harder (they were all in the two weeks leading up to the anniversary) than a random Wednesday. Like I said, it's a funny thing. There is no rhyme or reason. I was hit hard. At the movie theater. Over an Icee. At a screening of Batman (the original). Normal.  Of course, my baconator didn't know what was going on at first but soon realized and supported me through what became a very difficult week.

Everyone deals with things differently. When I feel the sting of losing my dad and am confronted with the reality that life can literally change in an instant (as it did) I feel the need to control things. Well, hellooooo (as Cher would say). That is not possible; sure, for awhile you can fool yourself into thinking you have control. And drive everyone else around you crazy. And try to plan things out in advance and imagine scenarios and how it will work out. But, truth be told, we know deep down life doesn't let you plan for it. Not a dress rehearsal. It's the real deal. I read something that resonated with me. Someone was on vacation in a beautiful location and vowed that they would some day return. Her friend that traveled with her had to be persuasive and convince her that she was already there. And she was there, in that beautiful spot, but too caught up in the idea of returning in the future and experiencing it again rather than experiencing it in the present. I'm guilty of doing that as recently as last week. I wish I had read that before my trip but I think the friend had it right. Rather than wishing to experience something again that we are currently enjoying, stop and enjoy it that moment. All we have is now. I can try to plan what will happen in the future and paint in my mind what that will look like but the reality will be a very different picture than what I drew in my mind. And not because I can only draw stick figures. No, it will be different because thing rarely work out as we imagine. There are too many variables. And that's ok. Life is not meant to be lived in the future. It's supposed to be lived now. So my goal is to work on living in this moment, not trying to control the future and experiencing the joy in each moment rather than wishing to experience something again. Nursing school, law school, (or neither of those), relationships, work etc will take care of itself. Otherwise, I will miss all the moments leading up to the future. Like my boyfriend knocking on my door with a large cherry Icee a week later after Batman (real cherry-not white). Those little moments will add up to the tapestry that is our relationship.  Try enjoying each moment; rather than attempting to create them too far in advance. You will be pleasantly surprised. Here's to the next moments!

Silver Linings.....

Before I left to meet up with Lawyer Chick in Vegas; I had been seeing someone who will be known as Zombie Dude. Zombie Dude and I had the makings of a bad Nicholas Sparks book. It was brief and ended even quicker. Thank God for Mark Zuckerberg wanting to hook up with cool, smart chicks because without Facebook I may not have known that he was ensconced with someone else. And, had I not found that out I wouldn't have bothered to read my email from an online dating site and the message from one bacon loving nerd would have gone unread for weeks. Well. I did find out, the message was read and we have booked our first vacation for October. He is my silver lining. And the reason I'm no longer online dating. Or dating at all. Well, I guess I'm dating HIM of course but you know what I mean. In a moment of real irony, I'm SO happy I found out about Zombie Dude and his lying, pseudo emo behavior. Had I not, I wouldn't have found my silver lining. That said, I wasn't sure what was going to happen. My now boyfriend was polite but persistent. He didn't give up. Even when I would send three word answers and admitted I wasn't ready to talk to or trust anyone (oh woe is me Danielle Steel), he was right there. He talked to me every day in Vegas, waited for me to get home and then took me out on what started as a somewhat awkward first date that was magic in the end. We now laugh about the awkwardness that was the beginning of our first date; which without humor, what is left?

If that isn't enough of a development, I start a new venture next week. I was offered and accepted a 6 month recruiting contract position for a national staffing company. I'm very excited about the opportunity and flexibility it gives me. Namely, back to a normal schedule. It will allow me to save some money, exercise my skills and take biology and go from there. I've finally realized that it's ok to not know how it's all going to work out. Change is the constant I can rely on; well that and reruns of Roseanne. Speaking off, did you know Becky was really with David and Darlene was really with Mark? Let that one simmer. Anyway, hopefully this will give me the time and energy to figure out the next step.Whether I apply for a program in six months or a year, I have the time and resources to make the right decision.  Again, a silver lining among my professional confusion. And a supportive, cute, snarky, conservative (um yeah, about that) bf right along side me.

I don't have all the answers at 30 (aka why are mirror selfies so popular?)

Someone suggested I do a blog entry about guys on dating sites with bicep flexing, mirror-snapped selfies. That's not what this update is about tonight. Ok,, that's not what it's ALL about. That suggestion was over a month ago. I took a hiatus. Or rather, life got really busy, somewhat complicated, and here it is, almost May. A lot of changes have taken place since I lost wrote....er blogged.  Fasten your laptops. Let's catch up.

Working at home has proven to be interesting. Working from home while still working part time as a makeup artist/product consultant where we lose 1/3 of the staff a month after I start my second job has proven to be challenging. If you told me a year ago if I would be working 1.5 jobs and not sure where I'll end up, well, I would have thought you were crazy. But here I am. It's been six months since I left the corporate world. Sometimes I miss the inner-workings of an office-who doesn't love a good gossip session over coffee while checking out the cute lawyers from the upstairs offices? But, I don't miss the rest. I miss my friends. So maybe I like the corporate world for the same reason I liked school: for the social life. Or maybe I just had enough and decided that if I'm going to work for the majority of my life; I should do something that makes me happy and helps others. Corporate life wasn't my passion any longer. Although, I'm grateful for the experience and education I've had and the comfort that I can always return to it if I want to/need to. My dad was always right: you need a backup plan. And no, that backup plan does not involve the new Michael Kors handbag I have my eye on. See dad? I'm learning.

I also didn't get into my first choice nursing program. And I have mixed emotions about it. I knew with only 40 seats my chances were limited; I would go from being certain I didn't get in to feeling confident I did. When I read the rejection letter, after a night at the casino where I won $230 on a slot (I feel that was the universe's way of letting me down gently) I was disappointed but not as much as I thought I would be. I think losing my dad has put disappointment into a different perspective for me. Don't get me wrong; I was and am still disheartened, but I'm just that much more determined. And I wasn't sure if that was the route I was fully committed to. I just have to decide if I want to take a different biology (mine didn't transfer in) and try again in another year or move full steam ahead towards August. This is what keeps me up at night. Thank God the Golden Girls are on at pretty much any given time.

So, there was a reason that someone suggested I blog about the requisite muscle-flex-pic-in-the-mirror-selfie that seems to permeate any and all social media sites. I had been online dating and extolling some of the crazier stories via Facebook-not too detailed of course-just some little gems that were too ridiculous not to share. Since we are on the topic, why, why do guys feel the need to take a reverse pic of themselves in the mirror and post it? Is it to get back at the female generation for all the duck-lip pics? If so, I whole-heartily apologize on behalf of my sex. Please guys, we beg you, stop. I feel like Cher in Clueless when she asked if we were supposed to swoon when guys got out of bed, put on a backwards hat and some baggy pants. The answer is still the same 18 years later. NO. Take a normal pic, stop talking about how you're the nice guy no one bothers to give a chance, and start talking about what makes you different. Not what makes you like every other Steeler loving, beer drinking, outdoors-liking, dog loving, cultured and sophisticated, tortured poet on Stupid Cupid and whatever other site is popular. *steps off soap box* Shout-out to Katie H. for the suggestion-sorry it took me so long!  For keen readers, you might have noticed I said I had been online dating. I was. And no longer am :).  More on that soon....

I guess in the last few month I've learned that where we have been is definitely not where we will end up. That just because things are tough, or boring, or static (or whatever it is that you're feeling) it won't always be like that. There are silver linings. I read something that I ask myself and it helps me put things in perspective: is this going to matter in six months?  And the answer the majority of the time is that no, it certainly won't. It won't even matter in three months. The big stuff will. But lucky for us, most of it is small stuff. Six months from now; I will have figured out school, nursing, and how I'm going to make it happen. I may even find that Michael Kors bag for sale. It's ok to not have all the answers. That's a lesson I'm slowly, but surely, embracing.

Follow the yellow brick road?

Ooof. That was the sound this morning when I woke up, bleary eyed and rolling over on Eeyore. And then I strangely smelled smoke. Oh yes. Last night comes tumbling back in a tidal wave of smoke and amaretto. Girls night out ended up at one of the few bars left that still permits smoking and when the door opens it immediately penetrates your clothes, hair and basically anything else. Or maybe it seems that much stronger since smoking isn't allowed in most places these days. At any rate, it was definitely reminiscent of three or four years ago when life was seemingly less complicated but also more artificial. Now, I'm lucky if I see my bffs once a month-not every week like before. Going out is more of a time to catch up and fill each other in on happenings that can't be communicated properly over text, facebook chat or hurried phone calls. It's not a staging ground for attracting members of the opposite sex and one upping each other.

 It's strange, this whole thirty thing. For some reason, whether it's society portrayals or personal expectations, but I expected to have "things" figured out. What these things are, I'm not sure. I suspect they're different for everyone however I guess assumed I'd be married (that deserves a big LOL), reached some career high and planning the next phase. Instead I'm still experiencing the nerve inducing round of first dates, am starting a new job and about to make some huge changes to my living arrangements (currently living alone in an adorbs apartment). And you know what? That's fine too. The yellow brick road is paved with many twists and turns. (Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies). Dorothy's journey may have been shorter if she had chosen a different path, but it wouldn't have been the same and she might not have met the special friends that crossed her path. Had I chosen one path I would have been married, and most likely divorced now, and possibly stalled in a career that wasn't personally satisfying as it had been once upon a time. So while I still dodge a few flying monkeys, I'm enjoying following my own yellow brick road. And I think I'm getting closer to Emerald City. It might take me awhile but I know I'll figure it out. I might keep waking up with Eeyore for a long time to come and have to put in more hours than I care to admit for school and have more bad dates than good ones but it will make the end result that much sweeter. And if not, I always have had a thing for red shoes. Just three clicks and you can always go home.