Silver Linings.....

Before I left to meet up with Lawyer Chick in Vegas; I had been seeing someone who will be known as Zombie Dude. Zombie Dude and I had the makings of a bad Nicholas Sparks book. It was brief and ended even quicker. Thank God for Mark Zuckerberg wanting to hook up with cool, smart chicks because without Facebook I may not have known that he was ensconced with someone else. And, had I not found that out I wouldn't have bothered to read my email from an online dating site and the message from one bacon loving nerd would have gone unread for weeks. Well. I did find out, the message was read and we have booked our first vacation for October. He is my silver lining. And the reason I'm no longer online dating. Or dating at all. Well, I guess I'm dating HIM of course but you know what I mean. In a moment of real irony, I'm SO happy I found out about Zombie Dude and his lying, pseudo emo behavior. Had I not, I wouldn't have found my silver lining. That said, I wasn't sure what was going to happen. My now boyfriend was polite but persistent. He didn't give up. Even when I would send three word answers and admitted I wasn't ready to talk to or trust anyone (oh woe is me Danielle Steel), he was right there. He talked to me every day in Vegas, waited for me to get home and then took me out on what started as a somewhat awkward first date that was magic in the end. We now laugh about the awkwardness that was the beginning of our first date; which without humor, what is left?

If that isn't enough of a development, I start a new venture next week. I was offered and accepted a 6 month recruiting contract position for a national staffing company. I'm very excited about the opportunity and flexibility it gives me. Namely, back to a normal schedule. It will allow me to save some money, exercise my skills and take biology and go from there. I've finally realized that it's ok to not know how it's all going to work out. Change is the constant I can rely on; well that and reruns of Roseanne. Speaking off, did you know Becky was really with David and Darlene was really with Mark? Let that one simmer. Anyway, hopefully this will give me the time and energy to figure out the next step.Whether I apply for a program in six months or a year, I have the time and resources to make the right decision.  Again, a silver lining among my professional confusion. And a supportive, cute, snarky, conservative (um yeah, about that) bf right along side me.

I don't have all the answers at 30 (aka why are mirror selfies so popular?)

Someone suggested I do a blog entry about guys on dating sites with bicep flexing, mirror-snapped selfies. That's not what this update is about tonight. Ok,, that's not what it's ALL about. That suggestion was over a month ago. I took a hiatus. Or rather, life got really busy, somewhat complicated, and here it is, almost May. A lot of changes have taken place since I lost wrote....er blogged.  Fasten your laptops. Let's catch up.

Working at home has proven to be interesting. Working from home while still working part time as a makeup artist/product consultant where we lose 1/3 of the staff a month after I start my second job has proven to be challenging. If you told me a year ago if I would be working 1.5 jobs and not sure where I'll end up, well, I would have thought you were crazy. But here I am. It's been six months since I left the corporate world. Sometimes I miss the inner-workings of an office-who doesn't love a good gossip session over coffee while checking out the cute lawyers from the upstairs offices? But, I don't miss the rest. I miss my friends. So maybe I like the corporate world for the same reason I liked school: for the social life. Or maybe I just had enough and decided that if I'm going to work for the majority of my life; I should do something that makes me happy and helps others. Corporate life wasn't my passion any longer. Although, I'm grateful for the experience and education I've had and the comfort that I can always return to it if I want to/need to. My dad was always right: you need a backup plan. And no, that backup plan does not involve the new Michael Kors handbag I have my eye on. See dad? I'm learning.

I also didn't get into my first choice nursing program. And I have mixed emotions about it. I knew with only 40 seats my chances were limited; I would go from being certain I didn't get in to feeling confident I did. When I read the rejection letter, after a night at the casino where I won $230 on a slot (I feel that was the universe's way of letting me down gently) I was disappointed but not as much as I thought I would be. I think losing my dad has put disappointment into a different perspective for me. Don't get me wrong; I was and am still disheartened, but I'm just that much more determined. And I wasn't sure if that was the route I was fully committed to. I just have to decide if I want to take a different biology (mine didn't transfer in) and try again in another year or move full steam ahead towards August. This is what keeps me up at night. Thank God the Golden Girls are on at pretty much any given time.

So, there was a reason that someone suggested I blog about the requisite muscle-flex-pic-in-the-mirror-selfie that seems to permeate any and all social media sites. I had been online dating and extolling some of the crazier stories via Facebook-not too detailed of course-just some little gems that were too ridiculous not to share. Since we are on the topic, why, why do guys feel the need to take a reverse pic of themselves in the mirror and post it? Is it to get back at the female generation for all the duck-lip pics? If so, I whole-heartily apologize on behalf of my sex. Please guys, we beg you, stop. I feel like Cher in Clueless when she asked if we were supposed to swoon when guys got out of bed, put on a backwards hat and some baggy pants. The answer is still the same 18 years later. NO. Take a normal pic, stop talking about how you're the nice guy no one bothers to give a chance, and start talking about what makes you different. Not what makes you like every other Steeler loving, beer drinking, outdoors-liking, dog loving, cultured and sophisticated, tortured poet on Stupid Cupid and whatever other site is popular. *steps off soap box* Shout-out to Katie H. for the suggestion-sorry it took me so long!  For keen readers, you might have noticed I said I had been online dating. I was. And no longer am :).  More on that soon....

I guess in the last few month I've learned that where we have been is definitely not where we will end up. That just because things are tough, or boring, or static (or whatever it is that you're feeling) it won't always be like that. There are silver linings. I read something that I ask myself and it helps me put things in perspective: is this going to matter in six months?  And the answer the majority of the time is that no, it certainly won't. It won't even matter in three months. The big stuff will. But lucky for us, most of it is small stuff. Six months from now; I will have figured out school, nursing, and how I'm going to make it happen. I may even find that Michael Kors bag for sale. It's ok to not have all the answers. That's a lesson I'm slowly, but surely, embracing.

Plenty of fish?

Match.com.  Eharmony. Chemistry.com. Zoosk. Plentyoffish. OkCupid. I could go on. Those are just some of the most popular online dating sites today. And I have come to a conclusion. If these sites worked for most people and dating was easy, online dating wouldn't be the billion dollar industry it has become. There wouldn't be a need for it. Much like the diet industry, there's a reason it's also a billion dollar venture. People try and fail. Or in the case of dating, try and maybe meet someone and break up and try again. Sure, there are married couples and people happily paired up. Some of my friends met their spouses online. But that's not the majority. If only one in five relationships start online, where do the other 80% start?  Then there are the ones that fall in the one in five category. The "dating is just not working for me but I'm not totally ready to give up because mr/ms right could be the next click away" category. Eternal optimists and romantic comedies fuel the online dating economy. And then there's dating in general. Which at age 30 is a double-edged sword.

You're smarter about who you want and what's important to you but also realizing that the people that fit that category might be few and far between. Or are already married. Or gay. Or both. Or the famous "just not that into you".  Which, by the way, has given people the power to use that excuse more than ever before. That book perpetuated stereotypes-and unfortunately gave people (read: wimps not strong enough to admit the truth) a line to tell someone and let themselves off the hook and not having to feel that guilt you feel when you hurt someone who cares about you.  It's not MY fault I'm not into you. It just took 3 months to realize.  Ladies (and men) please. You know almost rapid-fire fast if you're into someone.   With the Internet today, you find out more about someone before you meet them than you used to find out in the first three dates. I'm not saying that's a good thing; I'm just saying that's reality. And maybe that's the problem. There isn't much of a mystery to dating these days. It's all a google/linkedin/facebook click away. With online dating, you should proceed with caution but that applies to dating in general. You don't really know who the other person is unless it was a carefully vetted set up by mutual friends. But still. The mystery is gone. Manners are sometimes gone under the guise of "I'm blunt, deal with it".  People say "oh I'm just being me" or "This is who I am like it or not" but not a lot of people are going to like profanity-laced phone calls and constant stories about themselves and tales of the "good ol' days" of getting into fights. That may or may not have been someone that I talked to. (OK. It was).

 The point is, dating is no easier now than five years ago. There are many theories why and depending who you talk to-ahem my guy best friend- some people feel that it's because women have more "power" now, more earning potential and more influence. Roles are reversed. I don't entirely agree because most women still want that courtship, still want to feel like a lady (OK princess), still want to be appreciated and treated well. We just want respect for what we have accomplished. Not insecurity. Not judgement. Not "well you make more than me so you should pay more than I do".  That also may or may not have happened to me. But, with so many other "options" a click away, people get scared to settle. And not just men. I see women do that too. But oftentimes, someone better isn't just a click away. Everyone brings something to the table, both good and bad. We all have the "stuff" that makes us us. We have the good, the bad and the ugly. It's being able to stick with someone for more than a passing fancy and take a chance on someone and not bailing and thinking "i might be able to search for a guy/girl that won't do that" when things aren't fun and hot and heavy 24/7. Yes, you may be able to search for someone else who doesn't do whatever "it" is, but I can guarantee you that other person will do something else that irks you regardless. While a lot of things are ordered on-demand in our society, a date, partner, or spouse should not be. You may have met online and known more about each other up front than had you met otherwise, but that does not mean you need to speed-date through the relationship. Take a chance. Get to know someone. Put the mouse down. Hide your profile awhile. You just might surprise yourself and realize that someone better is the someone you have already met