So here's the scoop: I've been casually seeing/hanging out with someone for a few months. Nice guy. Fun. Laugh a lot together. Great chemistry. Good conversation. And neither of us want more. We also don't talk about it-at all. Until Saturday night that is when he mentioned something about another friend who maybe needed to try casually dating instead of trying to turn everything into a relationship.
"Ya know...casual. Like this."
Casual. I don't consider myself casual about well, mostly anything. I'm not casual with my friendships (except I guess in this instance?), I'm intense with work and school, I love my family (fiercely-not casually), I'm passionate about politics and I'm somewhat crazy about my dog too (read: totally crazy about my dog) and I can fall in like with someone relatively fast. That is, until recently.
I tried dating after my dad passed away and I wasn't ready-I had left my job that I was at for three years and was starting a new job a month after my dad suddenly died. I was enrolling in school again to finish my MBA. So many changes, dating was just not working. I had dates. Including a couple with a guy who wanted to jump from dating to being my boyfriend immediately. Yeah, I don't think so. I put dating on hold. Then I met C. We hit it off, had a couple great dates and then he got busy, I got busy and that was that. Or so I thought. We hadn't gone out in about a month when I heard from him again. And since then, I see him maybe every other week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Casually. When we're both free. And for whatever reason it works. I don't feel any pressure for/to do anything. We can be ourselves, have really weird but good conversations that I don't feel the need to over analyze and there's no pressure to be anyone or anything but me. Which is weird (for me) because I tend to put pressure on myself for everything and I am one awesome over analyzer. Or I used to be. Before. But since my dad passed away, so many little things happened to disappear and I literally stopped sweating the small stuff.
Like a lot of my friends, when I first started dating someone, I'd get excited to hear from them, read their texts etc (yes, my guy friends do this too-we are more similar to them than we realize). Then if I didn't hear from them or something seemed off I'd worry and waste time thinking about someone who clearly wasn't thinking about me. But now I don't worry. When I didn't hear from C for awhile, I didn't think about it. For whatever reason he wasn't contacting, it wasn't about me. I have lived through my worst nightmare and came out stronger. I have stopped trying to plan my life and relationships in advance. I'm living in the moment. It's why I'm going to nursing school: life is short-do what you love. And since I've stopped micromanaging myself I'm happier, healthier and more laid back. I guess I'm more...casual. I'm a firm believer that people, good and bad, are in our lives for a reason. I don't think C and I will get married or even see each other much longer. But I've learned to relax, sit back and take life as it comes. And that I can wear my glasses and still be cute (that has to count for something right?).
A hurricane's a coming. I'm going to grab the Shi-Poo, pour a glass of wine and light some candles. ya know-casual preparations.
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