At dinner tonight with my single-mom bestie, she said something to me that gave me cause for pause. I was explaining-rather worriedly-about all the decisions I have to make in the next month or so regarding school, job, living situation etc. I lamented that I'm still not quite sure what I want to do when I grow up or more accurately how to go from point A to point B. I was getting to the part about my mom saying I'll get married in the next few years and if we buy a house together this year she wants something low maintenance, i.e. a townhouse so when I eventually move out it would be easy to maintain (side note: I live in a condo currently, she's in the house she and my dad lived in for the last 10 years. He unexpectedly passed away in June). OK. Back on track. My friend looked at me after I rolled my eyes and said "honestly, I don't know why she thinks I'll be getting married in the next few years." The following words stopped me in my tracks: "Sarah, it's not like we're old. We're only 30. It's OK to change your life, change your career and you probably will get married. We're not old."
Prior to my birthday I was to be honest dreading turning 30 but not being 30 if that makes sense. I didn't want to say "30" but I always liked birthdays. Then my dad died and my world and perspective changed. I didn't care anymore about the number. I started to realize that I could accomplish certain goals if I put my mind to it. I wouldn't let my fear of failing hold me back. My dad and I were similar in a lot of ways: stubborn, perfectionist and fear of failure. I am terrible at pool (as in the ball flies to the floor and I jab people with the cue stick). I hate to play in public because of that. I don't want anyone to see me. I didn't purse my MBA at first for fear of the finance and math portion. For anyone that doesn't have this fear of failure, I envy you. It has held me back at times. And it may surprise people who know me because I seem very confident. And I am. But not always. I'm working on it though. I'm not going to let fear hold me back. I have been debating about making a major career change and going back to school for something completely different. Something I have wanted to do for so long but never thought I could and also didn't know how to make it happen. I have learned that I can. My parents always looked at things from many angles and instilled in my brother and I that there are ways to make things happen. All things are possible. It may not be easy and you may want to give up but together we can figure out how to get you there if that's what you want. I'm very lucky to have grown up in this family.
So, if you are thinking of making a change, doing something different, taking that vacation, confessing your feelings for someone or just getting out there and playing pool in public DO IT. Life is short. We are reminded of that frequently but I lived it first hand. We were getting ready to go to Myrtle Beach for a long planned family vacation with 15 people when my dad suddenly passed away. Nothing is promised. Nothing is gained from not taking a risk. Do it.
With that said, I'm sending in my applications for nursing school next week. Bring it.
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