We all know that details about ourselves and virtually anyone we know are only a click away. It is tempting to give into that click. I will admit, I have found myself doing that recently. And while at first I thought it was a big mistake, I think it was a blessing in disguise.
You see, about a year ago, I had stopped seeing someone that I liked (read: was ridiculously crazy about). We met through work, he was recently divorced, I was single, he was cute and flirty and emails soon turned into texts which turned into phone calls and finally going out. Then....the bottom fell out. He wasn't ready blah blah blah so I decided to end things and then a few months later he was ready and well, long story short he really wasn't. It was hard. I hadn't felt that way about someone in a long time. We had so much fun together-we were completely ourselves around each other and it was just magical. Except, it really wasn't because he wasn't ready and it crushed me. Other than that though, it was magical. Ha.
Anyway, things were ok, I moved on, we talked sometimes but that was it. I dated other guys, thought about him sometimes but nothing out of the ordinary. Then my dad died. And he didn't know. He randomly texted and in the course of talking-he asked how my family was etc-it came out. He felt awful. It also came out that he started dating his high school girlfriend. Right. Cliche. Sigh. So nice guy that he is-he would text every now and then to see how I was doing or because something reminded him of me. From a few details I quickly determined his relationship was very serious. And I was happy for him because he did and does deserve it. And I didn't need to know details. Until the other night, that is, when on Facebook I stumbled upon his girlfriend's personal page.
Yeah. And it was inundated with pictures, status updates, check ins, and anything else you can think of chronicling their relationship. Including pictures of flowers he had delivered to her hotel room when she was on a girls' trip without him. I could have done without that. But I know-and knew then-it was my fault for looking. I could have closed the page. But I didn't. And I felt a pang I didn't expect. The memories tumbled back-like the time I had a bad day at work and casually mentioned a glass of Riesling greeting me at home would have been awesome except I was out of wine and the liquor store would be closed. He invited me over for a movie and pizza and greeted me with a glass of wine while opening the door. Just happened to have one of my favorite wines on hand.
I tried to chase those thoughts away and for the most part, I was successful. Then I got mad. And then felt guilty because why should I be mad about this when my dad is gone? That's so frivolous. I was feeling really guilty about the whole thing until I talked to my mom who told me in no uncertain terms that it's definitely ok to be upset about other stuff, and in fact, I should allow myself to be. It's part of the process-to be able to move on and feel other emotions. My dad was the least selfish person I knew and he would be mad if I dwelled too long and closed off other feelings. She is right. However, I also know that certain things-people and emotions and regrets- have their sell by date-and feeling upset about this situation has definitely reached its expiration. And so has Facestalking. I think most of us are guilty of doing it. And while we all enjoy a little voyeuristic look into people's lives, it shouldn't have an effect on us. People can create whatever image they want someone else to see on Facebook or other social networking sites. It doesn't mean that's how their reality is. It's just what they want us to see. And instead of posting so much about our awesome lives, maybe we should just experience it rather than chronicle it for the world to see. Sure, I'll still post updates and pics-I'm not going off the grid-but that will be it. The people I care about and are friends with-I don't need to Facestalk. Sure, I'll probably be curious in the future (by nature I'm a curious George) but I'll try to pause for a minute and remember how I felt that night when I couldn't click the page closed. I might even look a little bit at some one's page that I probably shouldnt; it's very tempting after all. Thanks Mark Zuckerberg. But, I will stop looking at life so much and get on with living it and making every moment count.
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