Ch-Ch-Changes!

Is it me or does everyone feel like they have a case of the Januaries? This slow-moving, dull and cold, boring month seems to have permeated me, my dog, my best friend etc. You get the picture. In order to combat the case of the Januaries, I met up with a friend at Perle (champagne bar) for some bubbles and fun!  We haven't seen each other since I left my previous job-where I wanted to staple things to my boss's head-and it was as if nothing had changed. Through ups and downs, and believe me, there were some downs, our friendship has withstood it all. It's interesting that this month seems to have the past to the forefront but in way that moves things forward. The only guy I talked to, however, was the valet guy.  Such is life.

Moving on-I have some big news. I was offered and accepted a position with a company to do a/r for clients that outsource their accounts receivables. FROM HOME.  With all the changes in the last year and the job drama, this is such a blessing. I cannot believe I have this opportunity. I'm very excited and the company is flexible and I will be able to do nursing school in the fall and work. I still can't believe it!

How are your New Year's Resolutions/Changes coming along?  I'm giving myself a thumb's up (why not?).  Two friendships have been renewed, starting a new job, booked a trip to Vegas and Turbo Fire arrived yesterday (I'm more scared of this than my econ homework I think).  Oh. And I met a Dance Mom at Sephora.  So, even though I have a case of the Januaries, this year is off to a decent start (knock wood)! 

Make new friends...but keep the old?

Ahhh Janaury. The time for new starts right?  Does it count if it's a new start with an old friend?

I think it should. January is bringing a lot of new opportunities this way which was one of my goals for this year. But, like I hinted at before, the past is still in clear view.  Today was a prime example. I texted a friend of mine and wished him a happy birthday this morning before leaving for an appointment. We used to talk every day, or every other day and sometimes for hours on end. We had a falling out in October and hadn't really reconnected or recovered. He apologized and I accepted yet I could never fully get past it. But we did talk a couple times during the holidays and when he texted me back after I wished him a happy birthday, I found out he didn't have any plans for his birthday and seeing that I was going to be near his neighborhood I asked if he wanted to go to lunch.  He did and we had a great time catching up and he tried to pay even though it was his birthday, so I clearly wasn't having that.

 I really wasn't sure what was going to happen in October when things exploded. I was ready at one point to let the friendship go but I realized a few things. We all mistakes; and I certainly make my fair share. Also, forgiveness doesn't excuse what one person did, rather it allows you to move on and give the other person that opportunity too. It doesn't mean we're back to the point we were before. We may never be. And that's ok too. But friendship is one of those grey areas in life. It's not an absolute, or an all or nothing black and white situation. At least with me. If we didn't give people second chances (or third), we're not only hurting them but ourselves. Some things you can't move past though and I fully understand that. But, as I have often pointed out, life is short. Too short to hold on to hurt and anger from the past and sometimes moving on doesn't mean leaving someone behind; instead it can mean a new start with an old friend. And for me, that's enough.

The Pact

Ahh anyone else have a case of the Januaries? So far, Lawyer Chic and I have booked a Vegas trip for April and I have ordered Turbo Fire and finished 4 books on my Kindle. I think I need to stay away from my lap top and put my debit card away. Unfortunately, I have memorized my card numbers anyway, a side effect of all my online shopping over the years. Must figure out a way to remedy that.

Anyway, January seems to bring the past out of the woodwork. It's ironic because it's traditionally a month of new starts and here comes the past, banging down my door (read: cell phone/facebook/email). Here I am, planning a vacation, starting fresh, starting turbo (ohhh...i can buy new work out clothes), being financially responsible, enjoying the opportunities a new year presents and.....I can't seem to escape no matter what I do or don't do. Why is that? Is it because turning to something familiar is easier than approaching something new? I know there is comfort in the familiar. You're used to certain rhythms and patterns, you can anticipate the next steps. But that doesn't make it right. There are reasons the past is, well, in the past. Lawyer Chic has had a rough go of this as well. So, not only did we decide Vegas is the perfect vacation spot, we came up with The Pact. Only new opportunities dates starting in February. Anyone we had a past serious relationship with is out. And, we'll be blogging. Well, I'll be blogging about our year of new opportunities. She'll just be dating. Works out perfectly ha.  So stay tuned and find out how we navigate the disastrous challenging and sometimes shallow waters of the dating pond.

First Decision in 2013 is......

Vegas in April!  See? Already making progresses on my changes for 2013!

No resolutions for 2013-just changes!

I was a worrier. Hardcore. Not about everything but in reality probably about far too many things-work, boys, bosses, family issues, friends, money, the future, the present-you get the picture. I think a reasonable amount of worrying is normal and many people are concerned about the same things but I was a little too preoccupied with my worrying. I could have been the gold medal champ. Not a lot of people knew that about me but I tried to fight it.  Then things changed last summer and I worried about different things but at the same time I worried about less. It was freeing. I had a different perspective and instead of it being just a talking point I was actually able to practice my new perspective. It felt and still feels liberating. I look at the new year as another opportunity for change. While I'm thrilled 2012 is in the rear view mirror and I'm blowing a kiss goodbye to the past, I'm taking with me the lessons I've learned and working on some changes for 2013. Not resolutions because I think we set ourselves up to fail when we resolve to do something and take a step back and then beat ourselves up and then try again and this vicious cycle starts again and we forget what's really important.

Here's my top ten changes for 2013. What are yours?

10. Worry about what's important, let go of what isn't. if the flavor of the month isn't texting you or treating you how you deserve, they should worry you're going to walk away. Not the other way around.
9. Pursue my passion. I've written for years but haven't published in awhile. Time to change that.
8. Stay off the grid. I'm going to unplug everyday for awhile. Better to connect in person than virtually.
7. Take 10 seconds and think before I speak. Sometimes I don't have a filter. Oops.
6. Finish my 26 Acts of Kindness. I'm on my 5th.
5. Take a vacation and not worry about budget, location or packing.
4. Spend less. Give more. Take inventory before I decide to buy something just because.
3. Start nursing school. And not be scared.
2. Get out of the comfort zone-in everything.
1. Pay it forward.

What happened in 2012??

Ahhh the most wonderful time of the year. No, really. It is. Even though this year is different and I know for many others it is as well, this time of year is still special. We have carried on old traditions and started a few new ones as well. I will admit Christmas dinner was a little different-although it may be due to the priest at dinner (yes, it happened)-but I think it was really due to the acute awareness my brother, mom and I felt that my dad is really not here anymore. So that was tough but we were surrounded by our family and adorable little kids who make everything better.

The new year is vastly approaching. People like a fresh start. I, for one, am really looking forward to a new year. I'm thankful for the wonderful things that happened in 2012 but would like to put some of it in the rear view mirror. Before I list my opportunities for 2013, I'm going to list the most significant events of 2012 for me personally. It is both cathartic and serves to give me some perspective on things.

Top 10 Significant Events of 2012

10. Falling for someone quickly, watched it burn faster and still believing in love. yay.
9.  Read a couple amazing memoirs of hope and loss-before my own experience with hope and loss. Prophetic? Maybe.
8. Conquered Managerial Finance and Managerial Accounting!
7. Vegas in March. Unbelievable, action packed trip with Lawyer Chic.
6. Interviewed for a few positions that I did not get. Humbling
5. Left DeVry after 3 years for a new recruiting position.
4. Decided to take a risk, follow my passions and leave the corporate world and pursue nursing.
3. Enrolled back in master's program to finish MBA before nursing.
2. New York City and Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting with my mom-the most amazing, selfless woman that I have the privilege of not only being her daughter but also her best friend.
1. Losing my dad. Bar none this is to date not only the most significant event of 2012 but of my life so far.

I hope your list provides perspective, laughter and hope for the future. Stay tuned for my list of opportunities for 2013!

Reflections: Where Do We Go From Here?

I'll never forget the moment I realized my dad was really gone. It was about a month or so after he had passed away. I was laying in my niece's twin bed in her room at my parent's house (I've stayed off and on with my mom since June).  It had just hit me that night-for whatever reason-and I still remember the chill I felt. He was not in the next room. Nor was he coming back. He wouldn't laugh at me as I would pirouette down the hall (don't ask. just something I would do sometimes). My dad wouldn't meet another one of my boyfriends that he didn't like. He and I wouldn't get into a spirited debate over politics, reality tv or my spending habits. That was it.

I've thought a lot since Friday, like many others, of the families in Newtown. They are saying their goodbyes to their loved ones; many of whom were only 6 years old. My dad lived a long, fulfilling life. And in some way, that has comforted us.  I just can't imagine what these parents are feeling. 6 years is the blink of an eye. When will it hit them that their children aren't coming back? I don't know. I just know that it takes awhile for it to sink in.  My prayer is that we are still supporting these families at that time the way we are now.

I have seen, in the last 5 days, many acts of kindness. Many inspired by the twitter #26Acts. As Americans, we have always rallied around tragedy. We triumph in the face of adversity. The cynical will point out that after 911 the kindness that prevailed soon returned back to the status quo.This senseless act has cut us to our core. For many reasons. People from all walks of life, who hold a variety of different beliefs, are united in grief and sense of responsibility to do better. To do more.

I don't pretend to know what the founding fathers really meant in the 2nd amendment. As a history major, I can tell you that I don't think it meant arming this nation so that whackjobs can gun down a school or mall. Or that they ever envisioned assault rifles in the hands of the common citizen with monster magazines.  I can only tell you that while the 2nd amendment is part of our Bill of Rights, it doesn't make it right that people manipulate this law to their liking. There are many laws people don't follow. We see this everyday. But mention the word "control" in regards to the 2nd amendment and it causes a slew of vitriol. I know this: something has to be done. The nation with the most guns in their population is the nation with the most gun violence. Simple math. It is our nation. It doesn't have to be.

I don't have the answer. I don't know that anyone does. But if something can be done to prevent another Newtown we as a nation have a responsibility to do so. I have thought about something else these last few days. The 2nd amendment is interpreted differently by many. And people cling to this amendment and point to it as their "God-given right" to bear arms. But, we also had laws that outlawed women and minorities from voting. We allowed SLAVERY. We had banned alcohol for a time period. That doesn't mean because it's in the Bill of Rights or Constitution that it's right or a good law. Look at our past history. We have a bevy of former laws that wouldn't be tolerated today. I'm not saying we need to ban guns. At all. However, it's time for a meaningful dialogue on SENSIBLE gun legislation and protocols. It's also the time to examine our approach to mental illness in this country. We stand on the cliff-not the fiscal cliff-but the cliff of change. We can move forward as a country or back and stay divided and continue major debates every time a tragedy like this happens. We as a nation owe it to the victims of Newtown and gun violence and mental illness to get it right this time. We owe it to the parents who will slowly realize that their children aren't coming back. We owe it to ourselves.